


Hate Me

by symbioticSimplicity



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gamzee and Karkat's language, Gamzee is an asshole, I'm sorry but I'm not, M/M, Sadstuck, Swearing, except he's not, technically this is a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4023517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symbioticSimplicity/pseuds/symbioticSimplicity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a jackass and I regret everything.

“ _Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow, hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you.”_

It hadn’t been the first time Gamzee had thought of leaving, but it was the first time he’d been able to gather up the strength to do it. He was absolutely motherfucking sure he would have felt less ragged if he’d just pulled his motherfucking eyes out instead.

Karkat hadn’t looked surprised at all, like the little fucker had been seein this comin in one of those twisted up imaginings that were all up and running his think pan most days. Didn’t keep the tears away none though, big rivers of cherry red sadness dripping down his cheeks and down to his chin. Gamzee was one of the few people even allowed to know Karbro _could_ cry much less see it. It ripped at him something fierce, but not half as bad as seeing his little angry red miracle dead and quiet on the floor would.

“How long?” Karkat asked, his raspy voice even more strained with the force of keeping it steady.

Gamzee’s jaw clenched involuntarily. He could feel his blood pusher beat a bit harder, like the fuckin thing was tryin to get out and stay here where it belonged.

“You’re not pickin up what I’m throwin out her, brother.” Gamzee’s voice was far less stable, cracking and thin.

Karkat hissed and his eyes shrunk down into slits, the pupil looking like meowbeast ready to up and get it’s fight on. He wasn’t going to let him go quietly, of course he wasn’t. Wouldn’t be Karkat if he did.

“Gamzee of all the stupid shit you’ve pulled, and I do mean _stupid fucking shit,_ this is by far the dumbest fucking thing to ever come out of your giant snaggle-fanged fucking mouth! You can’t just decide to ditch me out of nowhere dumb-fuck, and you’re DEFINITELY not allowed to bail indefinitely goddamn it!”

Gamzee shook his head, “I’ve gotta. Don’t wanna do it much more than I wanna puta angry barkbeast down my protein chute. But if I don’t…Karbro I’m gonna hurt you real bad.”

“Like this little chunk of dumbassery right now isn’t hurting me?” He snarled, all fearsome in a way that makes you wanna drop to your knees and shoosh the hell right on out of him.

“Not that kinda hurt motherfucker, the less metaphysical shit. Can see it in my pan right this very fuckin moment.”

Miraculous red blood flooded Karkat’s cheeks and his hands started to shake. Fierce and fearless as he was, he knew if it ever came to blows between them, Gamzee would take him to church. Wasn’t nothing but a fact of nature. But when had that stopped him pushing before.

“I’ve calmed you down before, I can fucking do it again.”

Gamzee wanted to abscond out the window. He could feel the little black ghosts of that inescapable rage start licking at his neck. Could practically feel their motherfuckin breath on him. It was always that way without the sopor, but with the way the shit was punching holes in his head even that was just a patch on a ship missing a whole fuckin bottom.

“It’s different brother.”

“Different how? What could possibly be fucking different than finding you talking to decapitated heads, Gamzee? Please fucking inform me because I am lost in the goddamn dark here!”

His teeth locked together and a soft sound, like the precursor to a growl, slithered from between them.

“Because I _wanna.”_ He answered, “I wanna rip you up like the delicate motherfuckin miracle you are and touch the little bits that make you work. I wanna carve my love into your fucking bones and paint with your color all over til there’s none of it left. Lookin at you now I wanna sink my fangs into your eyeball and hear you singin terrors at me.”

Karkat flinched but to his credit he didn’t move back.

“I’m gonna cull you if I stay.” Gamzee tilted his head so his face was hidden under the matted mop that passed for his hair, “Just a motherfuckin matter of time. And brother, I don’t fucking want that. Like you much better all up and yelling and hollering and reminding me how to be.”

“Fine. Fucking fine, go whatever.” Karkat wiped his eyes and nose on the back of his sweater sleeve, “Doesn’t matter if you’re gone I guess, it’s not like you were really present to fucking begin with.”

Gamzee nodded, feeling like his claws were rending his own chest instead.

“But why does it have to be forever?” The mutant’s voice was little more than a whisper. “I need you too, stupid clown, and I’m gonna fucking miss you like crazy, God fucking knows why. Selfless leaving to protect me romantic ass bullshit aside, I don’t… fuck, I don’t want to never see you again! We both fucking suck at it, but you’re still my goddamn morail!”

Purple tinted tears were flowing as freely now as red ones. How had he gotten himself possessed of the notion he could ever fucking do this? Messiahs help him, Karkat was so motherfucking pitiful right now his hands ached to shoosh and pap him almost as more than they ached to dig into his skin and pull it back. The contradictions were making his pan throb and he could taste that rage dripping down the back of his tongue. He needed to go, it was now or motherfucking never.

“No you’re not.” He forced his tone to come out in a way that up and scared even him. It was cold and absolute, the voice of the highblood he’d never been.

“What?”

“We’re not fucking moirails, never really have been.” He couldn’t meet his eyes, “Like I’d ever up and pick a paracite. Was tryin to make it out nice and clean like, but you’re so motherfuckin stubborn I’ve gotta lay it down like it is.”

A soft growl came from Karkat’s direction, “Fuck off with your bullshit, Gamzee I know when you’re fucking lying.”

His whole mouth tasted like blood now and his pan was throwing less and less thoughts at him that didn’t involve bloodied clubs. He needed to make it stick and for that he had to make it hurt. Karkat trusted pain above anything.

He forced himself to meet the red eyes across from him, made his as steely and frigged as any motherfucker had ever seen.

“Never did seem to catch em when I was lying next to you, lying that you ain’t garbage.” Gamzee said, forcing the words to come out straight instead of withering and dying like they ought to have.

The look of pain and betrayal was almost enough to make him stop. Hurt down deep in his core and right then he knew wasn’t either of them that was ever gonna be whole again.

“You…lie..d?” Karkat’s voice fell into something so truly painful it could almost be classified a miracle in itself.

“Seemed up and fun at the time, but got less fun when you got to believing me.” He made his lips pull back into the most painful smile they’d ever formed, “But this is back to bein fun again.”

Now Karkat took a step back, stumbling like he’d done gotten punched for real. If he had, a little red mark would be forming right under the spot. It would look so good on his skin, especially if it went and split open, leaking miracles down his pretty little face. Even better on their w—

Fucking focus motherfucker.

There must’ve been something true in his face, or else Karkat’s darkness was eating away at him too again. Everything in Gamzee that had ever been pale was screaming now, begging almost loud enough to overwhelm the rage, begging him to take it back and pull his little miracle into his arms and lick over those nasty wounds in his pan.

“Right.” Karkat said stiffly, his jaw setting the way it did when he was about to cull something what really deserved it, “Out.”

Without another word, cause what the fuck else was up and left to fuckin say, Gamzee turned on his heel and left. He wished he’d never lingered at the door because even three perigees later, the sound of Karkat sobbing haunted him.

But he was safe now, safe and alive and that was better than dead.

Right?


End file.
